S#%t Just Got Real!!!

I have to admit, there is a part of me, a really big part of me, that's apprehensive about discussing and stating the things which I will say in this post...

*le sigh*

...relationships are tough people!!!

And this one, the one I'm in, has been a true test for me. 

Just when I thought we had overcome many hurdles, some that relationships don't even experience till years have been put in...here comes a new one.

But this one...this one is MAJOR...

...this one can't be swept under the rug, it must be addressed ASAP!!!

Mothers.

That's it.

One word.

One word with so much attachment.

One word that has 2 different meanings for my man and I.

I've discussed my maternal situation, but the refresher is...

My mother is deceased. 
She was a great, awesome, amazing woman. I hold her on a pedestal...

I can admit I do.

And even though she's passed on, I do believe, truly believe, that if still here, I'd still have mad love for that woman. 

The man and his mom...More like the man vs. his mom.

*smh*

I'd always heard of relationships like this, but never knew I'd see it face to face.

Never in such a way that it would also affect me in the long run.

The relationship...or lack thereof...that the man has with his mother is sad.

I'm not being sarcastic...it's really just sad.

It tears my heart that their connection is on such a level of foolishness that you can't even tell their mother and child.

More like: Folks v. Vice Lords...
Bloods and Crypts...
Sho'nuff v. Leroy...
Simon Cowell v. Sanjia...

...it's just messy.

I've never seen this level of disrespect, lack of love, anger, resentment, bitterness, and misery between a mother and a son.

I can admit, I only know one side of the story. Obviously, just the man's.

But from what I've seen, what I've heard...a lot of the drama stems from the mother.

Out of respect for their personal life, I refuse to go into deep detail, but I will share this...

...too often we forget that the pain, hurt, misery that we've experienced in life, things we have grown bitter and  upset about should never reflect or show its presence on our children. NEVER.

I'm not saying we must put our emotions, our pains on eggshells around our children. 

I'm not saying we should sugar coat the reality of life; there are high-highs and low-lows.

I'm simply saying that our children should NEVER, NEVER become the victim of our anger, pain, misery and unhappiness. 

My man has become a victim.

Don't know the details of his childhood, but it's become apparent that it was rough.

A lot of what he's gone through has become a direct reflection of the type of man he is today. 

I won't say its all bad and terrible, but a lot of his troubles with affection and interaction is because of the lack thereof that was shared between Mother and Son.

They always say, "a woman's relationship with their father or lack of a father will affect their connection with men".

Well guess what....Men and Mommas, Too!

So what drove me to this point where I'm now writing this post...

Well, now, this foolishness has spread it's way over into including me.

Now, naturally, I was already included when I began to date the man. 
In any relationship, once you make a commitment on whatever level, you take on the person and all of their additional baggage. 

Everybody got a few dufful bags and briefcases of mess that they have either began to clean out or still in disarray.

So going into this, I knew I was taking on a lot, but now...Now...it's personal!

I have been nothing but respectful to his mother.
Even when in the very beginning, when all I got was an evil stare as she passed by my vehicle parked outside her home, I still responded with a pleasant smile. 

Even when I was only stopping by to spend time with my man, but some how got sent on a food run for her. No gas money, no 'thank you', no nothing. Still...I smiled.

Even when I was the one offering him rides to and from work, loaning money then took it a step further and provided financial assistance while he was in between jobs. 

No gas, no 'thank you', no nothing. Still...I smiled.

I don't expect a reward, a handshake, not even that 'thank you'.
Could care less to be honest.

She could never say a damn thang to me...ever.

Oh...but she will respect me! 

I give it, therefore it should be given in return.

But the other night was strike one.

Again, I won't go into details; however, I will say it was highly uncalled for.

In a very demeaning way, she basically referred to me as if I didn't exist.

As if I were some stray dog who had wandered into her house that she wanted to leave immediately...or else.

Wait...WTF?!?

Where is this coming from?...What have I done to you?...And why are you doing this to me?

For the record, I said nothing to provoke her, didn't even see her when I came into their home. 

All I know was that I was basically being dismissed without even being acknowledged. 

And why?

No reason. Truly, no apparent reason.

I didn't cause any hurt, harm, or danger to her. No words were even said.

But yet, I wasn't shit.

My reaction...very similar to the cat. I literally was stuck and speechless.
Just in utter disbelief that she would even come at me that way, when I've done nothing.

But then it hit me..."If she don't respect her own child, why the HELL would she respect you?!?"

As silently as I came, I left.

I'm not into confrontations and wasn't bit more interested in starting one with her. 

Said nothing to the man, just left.

As far as I'm concerned, misery loves company...I wasn't bit more interested in joining in.

As I drove home, body initially engulfed in anger, I had an epiphany. Several actually.

1. As I stated...Misery loves Company.

2. As a woman, I've truly grown. There was a time I would have jumped all down someone's throat if they came at me sideways. Thankful for growth and maturity.

3. An old saying..."the foot you step on today, may be the ass you have to kiss tomorrow"

Oh, that last one was the lightbulb moment!

While she's over there simmering up mess, she's probably not noticed, or look closely enough, and realized that the relationship between her son and I is constantly flourishing. 

I don't know what the future holds, but we're moving forward and upward. 

If and when that day comes we decided to make that next step, to make that marital vow...in-laws we will be.

And then...then...it's another ball game.
Not only will I not allow such disrespect to be directed at me, I damn sure won't let it continue to reign over my husband.
Too often, the problems that happen in the home are because of the b.s. outside the home.
Won't make room for drama...Nope, not me!

Even then still folks, I hope it doesn't go that far.
I see great things for the man and I, I shouldn't have to worry about a Mommy Dearest, too.


So for now, I'm keeping my distance and praying.
Praying for a relationship between the man and I that's stronger than steel.
Praying for a relationship between the future mother-in-law and I that is as peaceful as a brook. 
Praying that I continue to grow into the kind of woman that refuses to let the mess of others roll over onto her, sparking a mindset of vengeance.


But heads up...this is strike 1!!!