*I haven't blogged on this yet so I kinda don't even know where to start with this post.
Have I mentioned over here that I'm dating someone?
Someone I met back towards the end of last year.
Well...Today makes 5 months for us.
Honestly, its felt like 5 years.
I originally had something else planned to post today, but I think what I'm writing now is far more important, significant, and coming straight from the heart.
We...the Man and I...have been on a serious, berserk, erratic rollercoaster called a RELATIONSHIP.
We met in such a cute way. Right now, I'm too lazy to write the details. Sorry!
He was the perfect gentleman, a total sweetheart.
Wined and dined me, said sweet nothings.
Even the way he looked at me gave me butterflies.
But I think what attracted me most to him...He was/is nothing I ever had before.
I truly have never dated a guy like the Man; physical, mental, spiritual, emotional...Nothing.
As we were caught up on this cloud of infatuation, carelessly falling head over heels...
BOOM
...there was an abrupt STOP and SHIFT.
A drastic, personal change happened in the Man's life and truly changed everything about the relationship.
He slowly began to withdraw from me.
The calls dwindled, the intimacy became less and less, and we saw each other every now and then.
First reaction: Come on stronger.
I thought maybe if I smother him with more love, he'll return the feeling.
WRONG!
Second reaction: Complain, Complain, Complain.
If I go off about it, If I remind him that I didn't want to deal with this type of situation, if I reminded him I been in f&%ked up relationships before and wasn't willing to deal with b.s. again, if I got a 'tude each and every time he didn't say/do/react the way I wanted him to he'll eventually get tired of it and just do right.
WRONG!
Third reaction: Silent treatment.
Stop texting, stop calling, show no interest at all anymore. Simple as that. To the point where my reaction to everything was, "Fuck it, I'm gone!"
WRONG!
I kept trying, kept trying, kept trying, but it seem like my wants, my desires, being happy in our relationship; the complaints kept falling on deaf ears.
And so what came next...
I was ready to walk away.
Though my head had began to lay the blue print for my departure, there was a bell that kept ringing, as well as a close friends advice, that kept saying, "Hold on. Not yet. Hold on!"
While in church one day, I remembered a line straight from the Bible...
"...to whom much is given, much is required..."
DING DING DING DING DING!!!
That bell started ringing extra, ignorantly louder.
The great things and opportunities in life we are given requires work, much work.
You can't make a purchase without money, and how do you get money...WORK!!!
It was truly an epiphany.
Another turning point came a the form of advice about men, from men.
Something I had heard and experienced first hand on several occasions.
Just as women, men hurt...they truly, truly just don't show it the same.
I saw it in my father as he mourned my mothers passing, I heard it in a close friend as he too told a similar story of my situation, I saw it confessed as a man stood in church one Sunday morning, publicly apologizing to his wife.
And then I saw it again first hand as my Man begin to tell me how much was hurting as he faced his problems and troubles each day.
It's a hurt that we women can comfort, nurture, lend a shoulder to, but we don't really understand it.
And I didn't.
I didn't understand that his lack of intimacy and affection was not because of lack of interest...what man, besides God, can give love when the world is on his shoulders?
Even I would catch much 'tude if he expected angelic Rani on my PMS, stressed out, broke, uninspired, lazy days!
So where are we today?
Are we better? Getting there, in due time.
Has he stepped it up? He trying, and for that...no complaints.
Am I going to leave if it doesn't get better soon? I didn't say he beats me, abuses me, cheats on me, talks down to me. I'm in no physical or mental harm.
He's a GOOD Man, a Great Man...that's never changed.
We've just hit a rough patch, an obstacle.
I was given Him...so I was given MUCH.
And in order for us to truly work, to be a great man and woman for each other...WORK is required.
To Him,
Happy 5 months! And, with time and work, so many more...
With love,
Rani
