Dear Future Husband...

...forget your looks, what car your drive or what goals you have.
If we don't share a kindred spirit, this won't work.

After countless interactions and conversations with former lovers, possible lovers, and those that didn't stand a chance. After seriously reviewing the girl I once was and acknowledging the woman I am now, I have come to a definite conclusion...

...I need a man who I can link to on a spiritual, emotional, and metaphysical level more than physical and sexual.

So, Rani, where is this coming from, you ask?

This all came to me when I began to see a "possible" in a different light.

Before we acknowledged that there was some level of interest between us, the man I believed him to be was sooooooooooooo different from the man he truly is.

Honestly, it was nothing major.

He doesn't stink, he's not abusive, not an alcohol. There was no major physical attribute that is wrong about him.

And I can honestly say, overall, he's a great man.

But on the other hand, I can honestly say...I feel no connection with him.

It's not his fault, he's done nothing wrong. There's just nothing there.

Now let me stop myself...I can't predict the future, I can only live day by day, so I can't say we will never be. But based on my feelings at this moment, at this very time...there can be no us.

There is something powerful when you feel a strong spiritual linkage, attachment to the individual you are dating or married to.

I've had this feeling before.

With someone very special to me, someone not everyone around has met or knows exist.

The chemistry between us was instant and though he was not the type of man I was easily attracted to at the time, our connection was so strong I was able to look beyond the physical and fall in love with the man from the inside out.

Our look on life was very similar. Our thoughts, our beliefs, and our desire we shared openly and honestly.

He extended himself greatly to me, and in return, I gave him much of me...but he truly deserved more. 

I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that he helped me to understand that true beauty lied beyond the flesh and bones.

So, why aren't we together?

To everything, there's a season.

Time, distance, the journey of life took us in opposite directions.

There are no hard feelings between us, we're still cool.

But we understand, respectfully, that what we had is just that...what we had.

I miss that feeling so.

I've grown tired and annoyed with the dating scene, playing cat and mouse or hard to get, settling for less that what I truly desire or only coming across individuals with one thing in mind.

Dear future husband...I want love.

An intense, emotional, refreshing, uplifting, inspiring, dependable, expressive, spiritual, mind-blowing, rhythmic, pulsating, heat rising, back breaking, hair pulling, praying, playing, squeezing, holding, listening, communicating, understanding, everlasting, compromising, improvising, mesmerizing, unbelievable, unfathomed kind of love.

And if you're ready to give it me, I'm ready to give it all to you...with a strong, STRONG connection.

Loving you with all the "ing's" above,

Your wife

p.s. My favorite piece by Coltrane written for his 1st wife. To me, "Naima" is a beautiful representation of an in-depth love. Listen to it and hear his love...

"What's in a Name?"...

"Tender Moment" by Henry Porter

That was the title of the eulogy spoken at my mother's funeral.

As the preacher so eloquently expressed, my mother's name is Star

...and boy, was she ever shining!

Her name represented her in every way.
She was a bright, optimistic person.
Everyone knew and loved her.
I didn't realize how well she was known and loved until I turned around in her funeral and saw the masses of people behind me.
To this day, 5 years later, there are people still asking for her obituary. We ran out in the service.
(Kinda weird, but whatever...)

Anywho...it's interesting that the preacher chose this subject as my mother's eulogy, because when it came to names, my mother was a mad scientist.

My name is Rani...
...and all my life people have screwed that up.


It's pronounced as "Ronnie", but it's spelled R-A-N-I.
Not Rainy, Not Rain-I....it's Rani!!!

My mother didn't make a mistake. She knew exactly what she was doing.

I was named after my father, whose name is actually, Ronnie.
My mother wanted her children to have 4-letter, unisex names.
My name is Hindu; it means "Queen" and in Hebrew it means "her song"...Hmmm, and I'm a vocalist. Coincidence?
But my mother had a greater goal...She wanted to make sure that when someone looked over our resume, they wouldn't judge us by our names, but by our credentials...what we know, what we've done.

That's love.

Even as we laid in her womb, she set out to create a future for us with no limitations.

And by doing so, she blessed us in many ways.

Now, that's not to say that other folks mother's haven't.
I'll never say my mom is/was better than someone else's. I've met and know other amazing/great moms.
But I say this to encourage you, future mother's of the world...

--Choose wisely: Please remember that a person's name stays with them their ENTIRE life.
Whenever we decide to get too "creative", we bound our children into a stereotype/statistic.
We put more pressure on them than necessary.

Yes, great things come out of "creative names"...Condoleeza Rice...Marijuana Pepsi Jackson.
These women have jumped over leaps and bounds. They've accomplished more than many and still on their grind.
But they've both admitted that their name has been a double-edged sword...
...helped them stand out in a crowd, but didn't always bring positive attention and recognition.

So I say all this to say...let's be cautious of our future.
We've got enough to worry about, let's not keep creating generations of young people walking into limitations.
Being Black in America is enough of a struggle.

And I know someone reading this is going to say, "Well that's other folks problems if they got a problem with my name." ...You right...Even the Bible says, "...Be not conformed to this world" Romans 12:2

But when choosing your children's name, be practical.
There is nothing wrong with showing ethnic pride in a name, but also remember what lies ahead for your child.

Besides....Potatolicious will always get the side eye over Keisha, Amber or Janet.


Loving my mother's love,


Rani (not Rainy)

Guess where I am...

...I'm now on Tumblr, too!!!

Will still be posting on this side, but for quick inspirations, pics, and links find me on tumblr...

http://thickthighsnolye.tumblr.com/

That's all...back to enjoying your Labor Day Weekend!

Rani

Dear Future Husband...

There is so much you'll learn about me, but it's been brought to my attention that I don't disclose much.

I thought I was a pretty much an open book.
Though a quiet person...most of the time...I've always been willing to share my thoughts, my desires, my pros and cons.
But recently, I was called out on it.
Not that it was a bad thing, just kinda threw me for a loop.
I thought it was obvious who I am.
Well, since it isn't...and I'm in a good mood...and I want to be as honest as possible...here I go...
In no particular order, here are a few honest things about me...the good/the bad/ the ugly...

• I'm goofy. I know...me, right? Yea, I can be extremely goofy at times. Ask my brother. I could be a good comedian if someone was interested in a dry, satirical comedy
• I'm a klutz. I can trip, bump, slide across, fall over damn near anything. I'm sure I've tripped on air at some point.
• I love nature. Viewing grass, plants, seeing animals be their natural beings fascinates me. I can keep myself occupied for hours just looking out a window at the world.
• I have a growing addiction to nail polish. So recently, I've decided to grow my own nails. Partly because I'm broke and can't afford fill-ins. In my quest to live a more holistic lifestyle, I've decided to ditch the trillion trips to the nail salon and squeezing out my last $30 bucks. I've always had short, booty scratcher nails, and when I stopped messing, biting, them...they actually grew. So now I actually have nails I can polish and I have been on a polish high. My nail polish collection has had a 90% jump within a month. I know...its sad. But its OK.
• As my paternal grandmother would say...I have an outlaw mouth! I am a cusser. Always have been. I know it's not ladylike, I am trying to cut down on it. For now, don't be surprised if you hear a few words fly...F&$K!!!
• I am a chronic pantie buyer. As I stated before, lack of funds has decreased my consumption of many things, but the one I miss the most is buying new panties. Sounds weird, but hear me out...You can never have enough panties! There was a time when I was buying 2 to 3 pair a month. SMH...it all started when this lady explained to me you should change your panties every 6 months. Well, I guess I went a little overboard, but still...You can never have enough panties.
• I don't have a favorite color. I don't know what it is, but I never have had a favorite. I have a color I prefer to wear, Black, but that because it's a flattering color and most common to find. But I honestly don't have a favorite.
• I'd take a CD player/Ipod/Radio over the TV any day. I can't stress enough how much I am in love with music. Even before I took it further and incorporated music into my career, music and I had an intimate connection. I need it on an everyday basis. It's has the same effect on me as the sun and moon; it's the setting for my day to night.
• I like trucks. Big, stupid big trucks. I don't see myself ever owning a small vehicle. I'm already short. Need something to give me height.
• You'll hardly if ever see me without earrings. Jewelry enhances any look, but I always think earrings are the quickest way to enhance the beauty of any woman, make up or none. Can't really describe it, but I love earrings, love to wear them, and usually have a spare pair on me.
• Love my Locs and I don't plan to get rid of them. I've talked about this in my Loc'ed & Loaded section. I've finally found the look I was meant to roc and I don't plan on changing it anytime soon...maybe a color or trim here and there, but I'm good.
• My favorite outfit...a men's tank (a.k.a. wife beater) and jeans. Yea, sounds so simple and blah. Don't get me wrong, I love to dress up, love to see myself in a sexy dress. But, when it's a chill day and it's nothing major taking place...wife beater and jeans.
• When in an intimate relationship, I've very kissy-kissy and touchy-touchy. No, I'm not the smothering type. I believe in space and only at appropriate times, but there's something very arousing in simple touches and kisses. Rapper Wale said it best, "With passion, a simple touch can be more satisfying then bustin' an insignificant nut."
• Love road trips, but would love to go to Egypt, India and Jamaica. That's kinda self explanatory. Those are the places I want to visit at some point in life.
• I take inspiration from everywhere. I am a Christian. Grew up and attend a Baptist church. As I mentioned before though, I've been blessed to have parents that encouraged us to seek our understanding of life, creation and religion for ourselves. It wasn't forced down our throats, it was strongly encouraged. Because of this, I've learned to be more open minded and embrace teachings and understandings from all walks of life. Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Atheist, etc, we all have differences but there all still lessons we can learn from each other. And to be honest, when you dig a little deeper, you realize that our belief systems basically overlap and have the same meanings.
• I don't see myself living in a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence. I know it's one of those things that's become the "American Dream", but I'm a city kid to my heart and that's never appealed to me. I always saw myself in a big loft or a brownstone. Somewhere where it's still a lot of action and a vibrant community. Plus, I like being able to jump on a bus when I need to at any time of the day...that's just me.
• I have road rage. I really think I do and I'm woman enough to admit it. Slow drivers, people who don't use turn signals, folks that dash out in traffic, folks that are in a rush no where....they all annoy me. I'm getting better...slowly, but surely.
• I can be a big cry baby at certain events. Let me explain this because folks mix this up with being a whiner...that, I'm not. When it comes to weddings, funerals, baby christenings, special ceremonies, I am the biggest baby. I don't know what it is, but moments like that just tug at my heart. My brother and sister laugh at me because I can't help it. Okay...I'm a sucker for sappy things!!!
• I don't really have an ideal man. Of course I've fantasized about men, but there's no ideal man I have in mind. I think when we women get into creating that infamous "list", we put ourselves in a danger zone.
• Don't have an ideal man, but I have some instant turn-ons:
• A certain cologne or scent: The scent of a man can send anyone into a frenzy, but when they wear a cologne that compliments them just right...smh...it's a beautiful thing. Another scent that's a turn on for me, and maybe just me, the "I just worked a long day" scent. Something about seeing/ smelling a man whose been out working his ass off all day...Instant Turn-on.
• Facial hair. I love a man with facial hair. Nothing against the clean shaven man, but me personally...Rani...likes a more mature, sometimes rugged look. I like the feeling of a man's facial hair against my face. Mmmmm....***having flashbacks***
• A man that can and likes to dance. I'm not expecting you to be on that James Brown/MJ/Usher level, but if you can do a two-step and don't mind getting on the dance floor...Instant Turn-on.
• Someone who has some level of a belief/faith. We might not believe in the same things, but the fact that you/he believes there's something greater than you says a lot about your character.

...OK, I know....this is suppose to be about me...Let me go back...

• 
  
  I'll never be a house wife. I don't knock it, to each its own, but I can't do it. Sitting around the house all day is not fun or productive. And though I love kids, love them so much it influenced my career choice, I can not be a stay at home mom whose life revolves around cooking, cleaning, and kids 24/7. I'm getting shivers thinking about it...Now, don't take it as I don't care about these matters, I do. But I refuse to let my life be shortened to just a wife and mother. I have dreams/goals and so should you.

I could go on and on about me, really, I can, but I'm going to stop for now.

I always felt that with time and experience you should learn about someone.

Don't always depend on what I say, see my actions for the proof.

And of course if there's something else you want to know...No more disclosure...I'm opening the book.

Rani

p.s. I know I mentioned nothing regarding sex...that's for me to know and you to discover!