Loc'd & Loaded

"Hey Mister did you say something 'bout my hair? Why stare? Why do you care?"

--Fertile Ground's Be Natural

The above quote is a line from one of my favorite bands and songs. In it, lead singer, Navasha Daya is not talking only about hair, but about taking a less materialistic approach to life. Overlooking the artificial and finding the natural you, "If your spirit moves just like the river flows. BE NATURAL!"

Though she's not strictly focused on being Natural with our hair, this song has helped me embrace this journey I've had with my crown and glory...my locs.

HAIR. Such a small word with big attachments and for women its even deeper. DEEPER.

Hair can be the difference between a good night out or a good night in. This shirt or that shirt. A hat or a scarf...wait...don't give me the side eye! We've all let hair get in the way of somethings in our life. Whether is was due to mother nature, bad perm, couldn't get your ends to lay just right, etc...we, women especially, have had a love/hate, breakup to makeup relationship with our hair.
But why?

WHY?

It's our crown and glory! It's the icing on the cake for our individual look. It's what can change a boring look into a feisty diva. Honey, hair can turn you out! And we know this. And this is why all of your life, the one part of your body you will forever have to learn to love will 9 times out of 10 be your HAIR.

My story...
I'm my short amount of time in life thus far I've had almost every kind of style you can think of...
...short, long, straight, natural, up do, down do, weave, braids, twist, curls, crops, flips...
EVERYTHING? EVERYTHING!
...except a jerry curl! Thankfully that was hot when I was too young for the activator overload.


Of all the hair ups and downs, trials and errors, the one that became a stable and an easy go to was a perm. Now, I'm not about to go into the full fledged details of the what a perm is, chemicals, etc etc. Thanks to Chris Rock's "Good Hair" and Aron Ranen's "Black Hair" documentary (please click on his name and check it out. Delved much deeper in the hair industry and the black consumer) we now know the harm, the biases and enrichment of the hair industry and its products. What I will say though is...

I hated having a perm.

No, really...I never liked having a perm.
Yea, once I got a nice amount of length , it cascaded down my back.
Yes, it laid down beautifully and shined just right.
Yes, my ends laid down straight most of the time...
...but so what.
I did not like having a perm.


As many mother's do, I'm sure my mom made me get a perm because my hair was easier to manage and style that way. I had thick, THICK hair that grew out big, wild and long, a perm made it easier to tame. But I'm sure if my mother was alive today she too would testify...

...Rani didn't like perms.

I honestly can't explain why I didn't. It just didn't feel like me. I always understood I was just getting it done to make it more manageable. I'd keep it nice and neat for maybe two days, but soon it would be pulled back into a ponytail. I didn't care...again...I didn't like perms.

Another reason why may be that I was still wearing perms during a tomboy phase.
I wanted to be the girl that was cool with the guys, did the masculine things, not the girl that slept with all the guys, so I thought I had to be less feminine to be that chick. I kept my hair pulled back, often wore clothes that were less feminine.
Child, I even tried to control the natural sway of my hips when I walked.
SMH & LOL...its funny now that I really think about it. Especially because I've always had large breast and hips. There was no hiding that! Anywho...


The last reason is probably the most accurate one. When I was very young my mother took a trip to Jamaica with a friend of hers. Flash forward to about the age of 10 and I found...okay, I snooped in her things and found the pictures from her trip. Besides being mesmerized by the beautiful water and beaches, the food, I instantly fell in love with the brotha(s) rocking these extremely long braids. Now mind you at the time I was a shorty, I really didn't know the difference between a braid and a loc, but I knew I loved their look and had decided right then...

I'm going to have hair like that some day!

Now flash forward to my 23rd birthday...I go to the salon, sit in the chair. My stylist was ready to grab that big container of perm and shellac it on all that hair.

"Nope", I say, "Cut it off".
The salon fell silent. Mouth's dropped. It was so quiet I could hear folks stomachs churning.
One by one women chimed in...

"Girl, naw, you got that good hair!",

"Child, folks spend money to get that type of hair you got!".

A chick even asked me was it 'men problems'!

What?!?!?

Without a flinch, I ignored their remarks and calmly repeated, "Cut if off". And that was it.


Now, I'll be honest, I shed some tears. What those ladies were saying about my hair was true. I really did have a nice grade of hair. Take a look...

...this is when I was 18. Why do I look so mean? IDK. Maybe it was the perm...naw, I'm kidding. But as you can see, I had a nice grade of hair. It was long, healthy, that I won't deny. It was the kind of hair that folks would stop me all the time and ask, "Are you mixed?" As if a Black women can't possibly have grown beautiful hair without a mixture of another race.

(SN: People lets stop that. When we say things like that to each other we're basically saying something about our race isn't good enough to be beautiful. Stop it, please. We are beautiful just as we are. Remember, what you speak manifests itself. We don't need to create another generation of people feeling who they are isn't 'good enough'.)

Okay, I'm back...even though I had such great hair in other folks' eyes, it never felt like me. Turning 23, 3 years after losing my mother and going through soo many changes, I was ready to release old baggage and find the real Rani. And if that meant shedding my crown and glory, then that, it was.
I didn't jump into natural instantly. There were many moments of hesitation. While rocking shorter hair I kept the perm for awhile. So many people weren't so fond of me cutting it, including my father, so I tried to appease them by keeping it permed and 'neat'...whatever that was suppose to mean. Went back to micro braids and sew-ins for awhile and then eventually said ...THE HELL WITH IT!!! Why am I still worried about what the world wants me to be?! And that was the finale.

I've been loc'd for a little over 2 years now and can finally say with no reservations...

I LOVE MY HAIR.

Yes, I still have moments of dislike. It won't lay a certain way, not long enough to do one style, not short enough to do another, flipping through products to find which works and doesn't. But that's the beauty of loc'ing...

...its a journey.

You learn and find what works for you. Especially when you go through this ruff phase in the very beginning, the hair is short and looks like little sprouts springing from your head. It's ruff, but it forces you to dig in a little deeper, find your true beauty, and fall in love with it.
It's a beautiful thing!!!

This is me at 25. Loc'd and loving it. Tomboy who?

Before I sign off let me say. I am not pushing for folks to go natural, I'm not a natural revolutionary. Like I said, I had to learn what worked for me, you have to find what works for you.

If its loc'd, SHAKE THEM DREADS! If its a phony pony, WHIP IT!
Do you, honey! But make sure its Y-O-U!

Be blessed...

--Check out some inspirational loc and natural blogs listed on the right and peep the video above this post which features some beautiful loc rockers and Fertile Ground's, Be Natural!--

Truth is...

...as women, we've lost our value...
...and we're to blame.


Now I know I'm going to lose some folks on this, but the truth...is the truth...

...is the TRUTH!

Hear me out.

Have you ever seen the Dave Chapelle comedy special, "Killing Them Softly"?

Overall, it is hilarious...it's Dave Chapelle! Probably one of his best standups. But what's so great amd genius about Chapelle is that there's always a message in the comedy. Don't believe me?...Read on...

There is one segment in this particular show that's was interesting, honest, and raw. He points out two very profound things that many women should hear, but miss in their laughter.

Point 1:
He begins by discussing how we, women, look to magazines and advice from other women on how to treat a man.(Guilty, been there.) He then goes on to mention how we look in these magazines, advertisements, and celebrities and begin to belittle ourselves...

-They tell us we should be taller: we buy higher heels.(Guilty!)
-They tell us we should be skinnier: we run to the gym, try out the latest scam diets, or purchase every version of Spanx known to man.(Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!)
-They tell us the clothes we wear aren't fly enough: we spend our twos and fews to buy whatever she (she is any woman's wardrobe you'd prefer) got on. (Guilty!)
-They say our hair ain't good enough /straight enough /long enough: we run to the nearest beauty supply for the strongest perm, the flyest wig, the longest Yaki.
(NOT Guilty! Freed myself of that...somewhat...but,thats a post for another day)

***Now I know the beauty store owner, the writer of the magazine, that celebrity is running their business, doing their work to make ends meet, to stay employed. Do you! This is not against you. I'm not knocking the hustle, its deeper than that...***

As we turn each page, flip each channel, idolize celebrities, we make ourselves feel less and less. We let this "you're not good enough" message find a home in our heads and get cozy. The message wears and tears us down for so long we don't even realize we're walking a fine line between who we want to be, who we ought to be, and who we're told to be. We lose what makes us unique.

We, women, forget what it means to be a woman. We forget, or ignore in some cases, how we should act, present ourselves, dress ourselves to get the attention, respect, and acknowledgement we want from the world. More specifically...men.

Ahhhhh ...Men!
You know them. Their the people we blame for all of this. Their the individuals we blame for killing chilvary. Their the ones we point the finger at and say "tisk, tisk, tisk...shame on you".

But are they, MEN,really to blame?!?

Think about that for a minute...I'll wait...(cue Jeopardy music)

As you're thinking, let me hit you with Chapelle's Point #2...

"...If p*&sy was a stock it would have plumited by now

because you flooded the market with it..."

--Chapelle

Ouch! Did that sting you, like it stung me when I first heard it?

So basically what he said is all that free nookie we gave away to every John, Jim, and Joe that came along, and left...yea...they didn't really need/deserve it and we had the power to prevent it, but didn't.

Instead of putting a leash on it, putting some requirements on the nookie, we're handing it out like free hot cakes at a soup kitchen. Tell the truth, shame the devil, and put on your big girls shoes...how many of us can be honest with ourselves and say guilty to this...(smh, Guilty.)

Oh, wait...you missed the point again? Okay, let me sum this all up...

We, WOMEN, lost our value because (A) we believe/were convinced that WE aren't good enough. We turn to everyone else for approval and acceptance, but we should start by looking into ourselves.

How do you feel about you? Do you like you? Do you love you?

We, WOMEN, lost out value because (B) we have let our nookie take lead, thrown caution to the wind, and decided to cry about the consequences later.

(smh,again...Guilty.)

Before folks start going haywire...No, I'm not dismissing the guys on this. There are some...SOME...who are guilty of some foul sh--! Whatever they did is still wrong, but were not on them now, we're working on us first and foremost, right?

At some point reading this, I know you've said to yourself, "Why is Rani evening mentioning this" or as some friends would say, "Why is she going in so hard?" Lol

No, I'm not upset, not hurting, not sad. I'm fine. All smiles! :-)...

The reason(s)for this whole post:
1. Singlehood makes you think about what you really want out of love and a mate.
2. Getting older makes you decide on what you really want out of the life ahead.
3. Raising a teenage boy to be a great man requires you to be a better woman.

The last point is the most important one for me. In order for him to turn into a great man, and be a great man for a woman, its starts with me showing him what a WOMAN is.

As you saw above, I used the word WE a lot and I admitted GUILTY to those things which I am guilty of doing or saying.

Why?

I'm not perfect and will never claim to be. All the things I just ranted on about, I am guilty of doing. I'm still learning my worth, cleaning up some mess I've done, reminding myself of my value. I said all that because at the end of the day...in order to get better, we have to do better.

Ladies, if we want more respect, more consideration, more positive attention, it starts from us, not the world.

And even that I'm still learning.

Some folks might think this is garbage, again, to each its own. You don't like this cup of tea, not your flavor...I get it.
To those who are feeling this, remember that old saying...
..."an error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it".

Be blessed...

P.S. Not all media is bad. Check out Clutch Magazine...some great, inpiring, uplifting and infomative information.
Check out the link to your right-------->

Image above by artist Thomas Williams from the website www.africanartworld.com

Let's talk about...

...the topics I plan on discussing on my blog. This is just an overview and quick summary of whats to come. Consider this the appetizer!

image taken from Crate & Barrel website

A. Moments and Milestones
-Oh the things I see, hear, witness, and are involved in. Just that. Some things I want to share and get off my chest. Check the post ahead of this one...it was one of those.

B. The truth is...
-My honest...okay, somewhat honest...close to honest...opinion about various things.

C. Dear Future Husband...
-To be honest, I stole this from a twitter topic, but thought it was quite interesting...
You know how you meet that certain someone and you think you've met the real them, they're the picture of perfection.
Flash forward and you now realized you met their representative. The person you met is who they want you to believe they are. Wouldn't it be nice if we all just told our mate/interest/eye candy upfront...
"Hey, this is me! ABC..." Well here's my attempt to do so.To tell that special someone the real...whomever they may be. My fears, my wants, my insecurities, and desires. It's deep, but lets go there!

D. Ten Years Makes a Difference...
-I'm blessed to have siblings, but what's the craziest thing about it...we're all 10 years apart. Yep, Mama had a plan! Anywho, what's so cool is that when we all sit down and talk, it's 3 different decades, which means three different views of everything. Some things overlap, but usually we're seeing them from our "age" perspective.
Relate to the blog? Well I have a talented older sister that writes as well. And though we don't usually disagree on much (can't help it, we're cut from the same cloth), there are things that I'm sure at 25, I'll see different at 35 and for her, vice versa.
Every now and then, I'm going to throw out or take suggestions for a topic that we can compare and contrast from the mind of a woman at 25 v. a woman at 35.
Depending on the content, I just may include my brother, the teen...Oh Lord!, wait...Let me pray on that first.

E. Loc'd and Loaded!
-I'm loc'd and I love it! Plain and Simple. So, naturally, no pun intended, I'm going to discuss my loc'd journey, discoveries, and reactions. It's just hair, you say?...Wait for it.

F. Randomness...
-I use this word a lot. Why? Because I come across a lot of random things...blogs, clothes, books, websites, music, places that I think you may want to hear about. It's always nice to share, right?


That's it in a nutshell. A lot, true, but its possible. These are real events, thoughts, and ideas that take place in my life.

Open for suggestions...


Be blessed!

Taking flight...

Another blog, right? Yes. But there's only one Rani and sometimes I have something to say
...*clears throat*...

Why did I start a blog? Soooo many reasons, but here are my top 5:

5: A new perspective.
I'm a blog-o-holic. I read upteen blogs a day. Sad, but true. I find it interesting what people share, review, reveal. And just like they have a perspective on various areas of life, so do I. Consider it a new voice in the blogging world.

4. Not currently employed...
...but you wouldn't know it if you looked at my schedule. However, I have slightly more free time than I did when I held a 9-5. (Note: Yes, I am looking!) Consider it a new hobby to past the time.

3. The career I chose, was actually not intended...
I wanted to be a writer. Most of my life was spent sitting on my front porch watching other kids play while I opened up a new notebook or tried out a new pen to begin jotting down ideas, stories, poems. I loved it, but I didn't think I really wanted a career out of it. I tried it my first year in college...wasn't happy with my initial results. But the itch never left. I may have delved into my current career, but there was always the urge to write, write, write. I remember when my first laptop was stolen. I was hurt, not because of the 1000 songs I lost...ok that too...but more so over the countless stories and poems I had started which were now in a stranger's hands.
THEY STOLE MY BABIES!!!
But now, after countless hours, days, months, I've finally convinced myself to write again, courageously on a blog. Yes, there is some fear, but I'm taking a leap for something new. Consider it Language Arts 101 all over again.

2. I hit a milestone in life....
...I'm 25! That means 25 years of life experience. Now I know there are folks older, rolling their eyes, smacking their lips, saying how I'm so young and couldn't have possibly lived life, but....Chiiilllddd!!!
( its 'child' exaggerated), I done been through a whole heap of thangs! Whew, just sitting here typing is giving me flashbacks, blood pressure rising, stomach churns, etc. Trust me, I've done some living. Won't say I've done more than the next person, but I've been there and done that even at my young age. A lot of it, I plan to share to some degree. Consider me the female Benjamin Button.

1. Want to tell my story...
...cause it's so much I wanted to hear about hers. Her being my mother who passed away 5 yrs ago. Yea I know the basics; where she worked, school, lived, style, blah blah blah...but I always wonder how she felt about certain situations in life--was she scared, did she cry, would she do it differently, where did she want to go, how she loved and lost...all the things that any young woman thrust into full fledged womanhood at 20 would want her mother to share. How does this relate to my blog...I want my unborn child/children to know Rani, not just mommy.
Know my mistakes, my fears, know why I didn't choose him to be your father, know the reality of love, why life took me there when I wanted to go here...then learn from it.
Now there is sooo much I learned from my 20 years with my mother, but sooo much I didn't get a chance to ask about. I want my children to have some form of a blueprint to who Mommy really is and was.

So those are my reasons. Yep...that summed it up.

Now a few final thoughts before we get started:

-I'm human. I make mistakes. My grammar isn't always perfect and I can butcher the spelling of a word like no other. This I know.
-I'm not Toni Morrison, Shakespeare, E. Lynn Harris or any of the greats. I don't claim to be a great writer...I'm good, but never will I claim great. Some folks maybe turned off by what I've written, some folks may applaud. To each its own, which leads me to my next point...
-Leave comments. I do want to read them. Some will hurt, I'll shed a tear and get over it. Trust me. But I also understand that sometimes its the harsh criticism that makes us better.
-Those words you see above that are highlighted in this COLOR are different topics I plan to address at some point. Stay tuned.

Finally...I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea. Somebody likes it with lemon, some just want sugar...some don't want the tea at all. I get that. If this ain't for you, just move on. No hard feelings, none taken.

Be blessed...

I think I lost a friend this weekend...

...by telling the truth.

(Disclaimer: One of the purposes of me creating this blog was to share some real deal sh&t! What's really going on in my head, heart, and my side of the world. So I have to detour for a moment from my grand introduction in the world of blogging...I want to start off by telling some real ish.)

I think I lost a friend this weekend by telling the truth.

My goal was not to hurt the person's feelings, stir them up, or to embarrass them.
My goal was to diffuse a situation that was on the brink of eruption.

Out with the girls this weekend, celebrating another friends b-day, and can overall say, I had a good time! But I can't ignore that we ended on a bad/sad note.

Not going to get into details, of course I'm going to respect the person's privacy, but I will reveal and admit: that devil's juice can bring out the best & worst in anybody. And that night, this Saturday, I saw one of my closest chicks at her worst.
The things she said and did were out of left field and any other night I would have blamed it on the A-AAA-AAlcohol...but this was something totally different...this was pain.

Pre-partying: As we drove to pick up another friend, she shared with me some things she was going through. Comments made to her about her drinking, life choices, etc. Yes, a lot of what they said was harsh, but there was truth in it. I didn't realize it till later than evening...

After partying: We're standing in an alley at 3am screaming back and forth at each other. And that's when it happened...I told the truth. Can't remember exactly what I said, but I remember the tears welling up in her eyes. I remember the look or hurt and disgust and her yelling out, "So you feel just like them, huh?!?" Them being the family that she feels is against her.

Finale: As we drive home, we try and console our friend. Asking her to calm down. But she's made up in her mind that we're calling her a PROBLEM.

"Nobody thinks you're a problem", "Its not what you think...", "Stop playing the victim" is what we repeated over and over and over again, but it didn't matter. She had made up in her mind that we...no...I was against her.

Finally, I gave up. There was nothing else I could say to rectify what was taking place, This was/is something so much more deeper and heavy that I can't address in one night. Plus, its now 4am, its raining like hell, and we're sitting outside the house that holds the bed that was calling my name.

I ended our night by trying to give her a hug after her numerous outburst of tears...she pulled away. Her response, with a half hearted smile...
"Don't worry about me. I'm OK."

Now that...that, more than anything or word hurt. HURT. My homey, my ace, the chick I could have died with last year, (another story for another post), the same chick who I plan to do half the things on my bucket list with refused my hug. Please note, I'm no baby or fool. I understand her anger towards me. But to turn away my extended arms gave the inclination our friendship maybe coming to an end.

To everything there's a season. True. But I don't think this one has truly ended.
So to my friend, if for some reason you've stumble on this blog, I want to say...

"I love you. I truly love you like a sister. In this small amount of time we've known each other we've shared our strongest laughs and our heaviest tears. A moment that should have broken us a year ago became the reason we toast every time we have a glass/cup in our hand...Erase my words Saturday and hear the truth now....

We're, V and I, worry about you. We don't question how good of a mother you are-you're a great mother! We're not worried about your son, the man in your life, the father of your child, what momma, daddy, sister, whoever say....we worry about you. How are you honey? What are the matters of your heart? Why are you unhappy? Why are you hurting? And then...What can we do to help you be the best woman you can be...the woman we love? That's what friends do; we help each other be better through love and honesty.
I may have spoken harshly...that I can admit and apologize for. But I said what I said out of love and concern.
We laugh about how we'll be when we're in our 50's and 60's, but we're not going to enjoy our later years if we keep holding on to so much pain in our 20's. And yes, "we"...even I have things I'm still working on.
Like I said in the car...I love you. Rooster love you. Whenever you ready to have that talk, let's go to MikkiD's,grab us a large Coke, mix in something(mind yall business), and go sit at the lake front like we use to. Trust me, its somethings on my chest too...".