When I was a little girl...

...like most kids, I had a "SUPER" person I wanted to be.


Remember being a kid and idolizing your favorite super hero. Some folks wanted to be Batman & Robin, others wanted to be Superman or The Hulk. For us girls, we either wanted to be Barbie or Wonder Woman. And for those of us raised in the 90's, we wanted to be Pink Ranger...lol.
Anywho...I, didn't want to be any of these things.

I wanted to be a Pin-up girl!!!

Yep, you read that right, a pin-up girl.
Okay, I know that's a little out of left field, but hear me out.

Some people are probably clueless to what an actual PIN-UP Girl is...
Most people can easily recognize women such as Marilyn Monroe, Eartha Kitt, Betty Page or Dita Von Teese, just to name a few.
They are women, in my opinion, who personified refined sexuality.
Some were actresses, models, burlesque dancers, etc.
In all, they were sensual women who flaunted their curves in some of the most eloquent, sophisticated and classiest ways.
Now there were some who were a little raunchy, vulgar, and oozed sex like it was going out of style...not my cup of tea.
I always preferred the old school pin-up with the finesse, appeal and sass that could turn heads without ever shedding clothing.

So when did this come to be?

Remember Betty Boop. She was the cartoon character we saw slip in on certain old school cartoons.
I adored her!!!
I thought she was the cutest thing ever.
I remember being glued to the TV when she came on.
Loved her 20's style hair, voluptuous frame, adorable voice and of course her sensual nature.
Now of course as a kid, it wasn't that in-depth.
Wasn't sure why I loved her so much, but there was just something so intriguing about Ms. Bettie Boop.

Move forward a little into my teens and I'm up late one night watching TV and this beautiful woman pops on the screen...

Tura Satana

OMG!!! Be still, my heart.

I looove this chick.

Okay so she was everything that defined a pin-up chick: mass appeal, sexual, sensual, large breast, small waist, formed fitted apparel...but there was something so much more appealing about her to me...

...She was Bad A&% Chick!!!

She was an exotic dancer, but more people probably know her from her films where she usually played a bad a%$ chick looking for revenge. She did her own stunts and was a martial artist.
Everything about her appealed to me.
Her appearance was very sleek and simple. Usually donned in all black.
Simple hair style, minimum makeup and a stern expression.
But there was a certain confidence and sass in Ms. Satana that could captivate any audience.
While other women and/or pin-up girls went for the overly sexual, scantily dressed, ditsy, helpless appeal, Satana was the polar opposite. I believed she knew she oozed sexuality, but her strength and demeanor was just as attractive.
Her real life story, is amazing. She endured much, but made quite a name for herself regardless.
According to her site, TuraSatana.com, she has a bio-pic coming soon.
Can't wait for that!!!

(SN: For those Beyonce and Lady Gaga fans...their video "Video Phone" was based off a lot of her work. Watch it!)

There were so many others that were sultry, classy, and sensual...Sophia Loren, Dorthy Dandridge, Pam Greer, Mae West, Phyllis Hyman...hold up, why didn't I add more new school names...as I stated before, there's something beautiful about the old school pin-up girl/woman. The had a certain way they carried themselves that many of US, yes US, women of today will never be able to emulate. There was a certainty, confidence, and pride in their womanhood that we have lost.

So is it the sexuality of being a pin-up girl that I'm drawn to?

Nope...not really. It's the style and grace one has as a pin-up girl. It's the sensual way they walked, talked, and spoke without every necessarily having to expose themselves. It's the way their clothing fit just so that their natural curves were highlighted, refined and had just a dash of exposure. In my opinion, there's a little pin-up girl/woman in all of us. She usually comes out in the boudoir, but we all use her in other areas of life; flirting, getting our way, trying to catch the eye of a certain person across the room, etc.

In some ways, I've recreated the style and grace of a pin-up girl. Again, not the sex; the style, the attitude and demeanor.

Of course it starts with high level of confidence and awareness. These women knew and owned their sensuality. They didn't let it wear down on them as a burden; too many pounds here, hair not down to here. Instead they mustard up a confidence that didn't need an audience all the time. They knew what they had and knew how to work it.

Can you recreate the pin-up appeal?

Sure you can! Once I came of age and matured more, I, personally have incorporated some of the style, grace and appeal of the pin-up girl. As I've stated in another post, I've embraced my curves and rolls and have no problem recreating some of the standard pin-up girl appeal and appearance. Just this weekend, I slipped on a simple black pencil skirt, pearl earrings, fitted white cardigan, black pumps, and pulled my hair up into a nice old school style. It was a simple outfit, but I looked in the mirror and felt like I could easily jump right into any 50's/ 60's film and capture that same je ne sais quoi. Needless to say, I was felling pretty bad a$%!!! Lol!

I encourage every woman to find that sensual, graceful, and charming pin-up girl inside of them. For some she is feisty and loud, for others she is playful and shy. Whomever she may be, pull her out every now and then and let her remind you why your a woman. Those curves are there for a reason...

To everyone else, find a little bit of your childhood and carry it into adulthood. Somethings never get old and get better with age.

-Be Blessed

Rani

P.S. For a little visual inspiration:
Google the names of the women above, check out I Love Pin-Ups and my Polyvore creation below...

The elders said it to us then...

...but they knew we'd need it now.


I grew up for a long time being the youngest in an older family.
Before my brother came along, I was the youngest grandchild on both sides and my parents had my siblings and I so far apart that by the time I came along, the kids in the family were all in their teens. Needless to say, I was always too young to join in with them, hang out with them, etc. etc. etc...However, I was always old enough to sit under the older members of the family and hear life stories, lessons, tales and lies.

I enjoyed those moments.
Even to this day, I love hearing about a much older individuals life story and lessons...and it seems that old folks love me.
No matter where I go, what I'm doing, I always seem to attract an older person with something to say. Not too sure why, but its possible it comes from two things:

1. I'm morphing into my parents. No sh*%t, right! But this particular thing is soooo my father! That man can strike up a conversation with any and everybody. And 9 times out of 10 its with an older individual. I use to be annoyed with standing around listening to my father talk on and on with these different people, but how ironic is it that I end up growing into that person.
It's cool, I now can appreciate it.
2. Older people enjoy talking to me because I'm probably one of the few, if not the only, young adults they've come across that is truly interested in what they have to say.
We live in a society that is over consumed with 'self', 'being an individual', 'doing my own thing'. We think we are the originators of everything, that life revolves around us, and that the past is just that--the past. But oh young fools we are! There is nothing we do, face, or initiate that has not already been done, but instead of looking to our elders for the guidance, we shun them as 'has beens'.
Thankfully, I've learned early on what a blessing an elder is and can be.

So two incidents this past week gave me a flashback of a life lesson I learned from an elder...
1. Received an email from a former friend who I haven't spoken to in years.
2. Received a text from an ex who I don't want to have any intimate contact with.

Right after receiving both, I sat for minutes, thinking of a what type of reply to give them back. Days have pass and I still am at a lost for words.
Maybe not at a lost...I have nothing nice, polite, or cordial to say to either person.
No hard feelings, they've both been out my life for awhile, and I'd plan to keep it that way.
And then it hit me...one of those jewels we learn from our elders...

"If you can't say nothing nice, then say nothing at all!"

Now, I'm sure you all remember that saying from out childhood. Usually said after one kid had said a nasty remark to another kid, a "Yo mama..." snap, or something along that line. Once the elder heard it, you were immediately scolded and whatever the punishment it was always followed with...

"If you can't say nothing nice, then say nothing at all!"

So now I'm here, 25 years old, pulling out an old saying, words of wisdom from my childhood to infuse into my adult life...and guess what?

They work.

Yep. All those things we learned in out childhood, those fables, and morals...they still apply.

In our youth they were just lessons, but our elders knew that in due time, those things we were told we'd eventually apply to our life.

Now I'm sure I've used/ applied the "say something nice" lesson before, its typically my response to foolishness, but this was the first time I recognized it to be just that...

...my childhood lessons manifesting.

Today, tomorrow, some time soon...take the time to listen to an elder.

Regardless of race, class, culture...LISTEN!

They have something more valuable than youth...they have WISDOM.

Even the poor man got a story and a lesson to learn.



Be blessed...
Rani

A song for the elders...reminisce for a minute about "grandma's hands".

Dear Future Husband...

...I don't like to argue.

No, honestly I don't. Don't believe me, ask my family. I'm not the arguing type.

Every relationship has its ups and downs, moments when those involved must confront an issue that should be addressed.

I know the stereotype is for the couple to get into a funk and escalate into a back and forth, all out verbal brawl. Yelling, screaming, barking crude words at each other, throwing out slurs and tapping into those little insecurities that only the other person knows about and knows how to attack...Whew!...It's exhausting...But guess what...THAT'S NOT ME!!!

If there's one thing I find irritating is people disagreeing on something and getting into a shout match about it. As if you screaming is going to now get your point across and allow us to walk away as civil, calm individuals right after it happens. Yea right! One scream match leads to another.

Therefore, love, lets avoid it as much as possible.

I'm not a yell'er. By now you've noticed I'm not a talkative person anyway, so why would I be a yell'er?!?

In my angriest of angriest times, I always run the same 5-steps:

1. Silence

2. Dead Silence

3. Wait for the other person to realize they will get no reaction out of yelling

4. Watch them become silent

5. Trying to now TALK to the individual about whatever the matter may be

Yep, that's it. Seriously, that's it. I'm not a yell'er, man!

Have I'm succumb to yelling? Yes, I honestly have.

Sometimes you come across people who want to see how far they can push you.

See your bluff and make you react.

Unfortunately, in my immature, less wiser days, I fell for the o-ki-doke and let folks get the best of me.

But still the same, I hated to argue.

It's something about the sound, the frustration and tension in people voices, the unhappiness in the end when folks have shouted all they needed to say and still no conclusion.

And don't let me get on folks in relationships who like to 'public fight'! HATE IT!

So now not only are you barking in my face, you're going to embarrass me and act an a&%!!!

Really? No. Please, don't go there. Let's not be that couple.

I can remember a past relationship where a certain individual and I got 'into it'.

As he's driving, he's screaming to the top of his lungs, calling me out my name, just acting deranged and asinine.

What did I do to cause this, you ask?

Simple, I disagreed on something. I didn't argue with him, just disagreed.

However, he was the type of individual who liked his voice to be heard.

He was also the type that like to argue using "low blows"; insulting me, my family, etc.

With him there was no 'talking it out', just a whole bunch of yelling foolishness.

So here I am, in his car, getting chewed out from head to toe.

And there I sat quietly, staring out the window. Again I say...I HATE TO ARGUE!!!

The irony of it is, as I'm being chewed out, I hear one of the most beautiful love songs on the radio and I begin to cry. Not because of what my then mate was saying, but that I was riding in a car, being verbally abused and hearing a song about the ideal love any person would want...

"...someone to understand each little dream in me...

Someone to take my heart and give his heart to me"

--"Summer Samba": Astrud Gilberto

As the song went off, we had approached my house. Tried to initiate the "5-step" rule, but by then I was exhausted. Still silent, I stepped out the car and into the house.

It should be no surprised that we are no longer together. That was one of many reasons why.

Future husband, we will have our disagreements, and may result to some moments of outburst, but overtime and with experience I've learned screaming won't resolve anything.

You'll feel better momentarily, but what did you really solve?

Hopefully, with time, we'll learn how to work through disagreements and disputes without resulting to berating, embarrassing, and asinine behavior.

Love you already,

Your future wife

Sade-Soldier Of Love W/ Lyrics

Everyone's looking for instant gratification...

...what happened to love?

Did I miss the memo and it died off last year?
Is it hiding, scared to come out into this radical, misguided and self-centered world?
Did we kill it after being over consumed with sex in every aspect of society?

What happened to LOVE?

Let me share with you where this is coming from:

This past weekend I hung out with a one of my best friends.

(To those who keep up with this blog, it was the friend from the first post. Told you it wasn't over...)

Before we could even get the night started, we both started off down in the dumps; a recipe for an interesting night.

--She was upset because the guy she's dating stood her up for the evening. Here she was dressed in a dress which he bought her, glammed up, ready to spend time with her mate, who'll be moving out of state in a month...He called her at 7pm told her to be ready for their night out. It was now 11pm, he turned off his phone, and a friend of his informed her that he was now out at another club.

--I, on the other hand, was on the opposite spectrum. I was home alone, nothing to do, nowhere to go. I had gotten into it with an ex earlier that day which had me a little down. It was a reminder of a 4 year relationship that failed tremendously. (*Sigh*, that's a long post for another day). On top of that, it was a reminder that I had been single for a year, with 0 dates under my belt.

As you can see, we were both starting our evening out together on a low note.

And who do you call when your day is down...your girls!

So here were are driving around the city late at night, with half hearted smiles, trying to find relief from heartaches. (Why don't they have a Mylanta for this?)

At one point we decided to go to a bar on one side of town, but instead spent 20mins in the car having a heart to heart. After finally revealing why we're both riding around with these fake "I'm OK" smirks, we came to the same conclusion...

We missed love.

LOVE. Real LOVE. Not that flirty, touchy, one-night stand, midnight rendezvous, 2am booty calls, Facebook pokes, sexting, bbming type of interaction.

LOVE that involves intimacy, romance, mutual interest, emotions, caring, devotion, private time, growth, compromise, understanding...I can go on for days.

What happened to LOVE?

I think about the "potential/possible/wishful" guys I know and have met recently. I can say they're great guys, great men, have a lot going for them and ideally, with maybe just a few exceptions, are the type of man I would want to be in a relationship with. However, based on their actions, their words, even their blatant statements, they don't want love. Their speeding from it. And it's not just the men, I know plenty of women who are blatantly running away from it.

So what are folks doing if they not going for love...F*&%ing Around!

Yea I said it, its the truth.

Seems like everyone is just F.Aing. Going from one person to the next, one sexual adventure to the next with no reservations.

Now, to each its own.

Some folks really aren't good at relationships, understandable.

Some people are so scarred from their experiences with love, they'd rather be a F.Aer, also understandable and been there.

But is everybody on this same boat? Are the 'lovers' a dieing breed?

I always considered myself a 'Lover'.

Never really got into the multiple dates and partners thing or the 'we only f*&%ing' scenarios.

And some women maybe too proud to say it, but I will...I don't really enjoy single-hood.

Oh yea it's fun to be out and about, doing your own thing, moving your own way.

But lets keep it real...when you lay down at night and look over to that empty side of the bed, that's a cold reminder that single-hood and loneliness can easily run hand and hand.

There are some perks to being single though.

It has given me time to make some changes in life, become wiser, explore new things.

The greatest perk...single-hood helped me identify what I truly wanted in a man/mate/a husband and love.

I don't have the answer to why it is that so many people are choosing to be FAers.

I could come up with a bunch of hypothesis, but there is no one thing.

I could say its due to the "Single Black Woman" epidemic, being over exposed to sex, fear of failure, greediness, rate of failed marriages, etc...but I don't know the answer, so I just can't say.

What I can say is that some would advise,"if you can't beat them, join them".

I've tried to go that route, but it's really just not me.

I always felt like I short changed myself when I know I wanted something more.

Instant gratification isn't for everyone.

So here I stand, a Soldier of Love, maybe the last of a dieing breed.

But I'll wait.

The flesh gets weak, but the heart is unwavering.

"I am lost, but I don't doubt. So I ride. I have the will to survive...I'm a Soldier of Love"

--Sade's "Soldier of Love"

Randomness...

...the toys we enjoyed as a kid can manifest into the trinkets we enjoy in adulthood.

Have you ever experienced nostalgia?
Definition-nostalgia: a longing for something past

I do often.
--If I ride in a car for a long period of time, it reminds me of those trips down south.
--If I smell a fragrance similar to Avon's Imari perfume, it reminds of my sister and I playing in my mother's makeup.
--If I hear anything by Frankie Beverly & Maze it reminds of sitting outside watching my father wash his car as he crooned along to the radio or tape (No cds or ipods then)..."...that's the golden time of day..."
...and something I came across online reminds me of one of my favorite childhood toys.

When my sister and I were much...much younger, way before my brother was even thought of (Sorry Ry), my mother would work late nights. During that time she was a manger for a restaurant which meant long hours and being a closer. Sometimes we'd wait up for her because every now and then she'd bring us a treat. Sometimes food, can't remember their names, but there were some excellent chefs at that restaurant.

Other times they were simple things that would entertain us for hours and one of my favorites were the paper doll books.

Does anyone remember these? I don't even know if they still make them.
Basically it was a doll in a book. You'd cut out the doll, which was usually on a harder material page and you'd cut her clothes and accessories out the book, too. The clothes and accessories had tabs on them so that you could play dress up, putting the different outfits on the doll. Then if it was a really nice book, you'd turn to the back pages and there would be little scenes you could put your doll on; school, a boutique, a park, etc.

Sounds so simple and boring, right?
That's because we live in this high-tech world, which is great for the advancement of society, but we lost the joy of the simple things. I basically sat for hours enjoying picture on paper, that probably cost no more than $2, but now we spend more than $200 on game systems, phones, and everything else.

But still...I looooooved playing with my paper doll books.

Part of it because what kid doesn't enjoy make-believe?!?

We've all been pirates, queens, race car drivers, ghost, and (insert your favorite here!)
And secondly, I had/have this odd desire to play dress up all the time. Not on me, but on others.

There's this story one of my uncles loves to tell about how I had a pile of naked Barbies all over my room when I was little.

LMAO!
It's funny now, but I'm sure my parents was like WTF, Rani?!?
Eventually I'm sure they realized my Barbies were naked because I would only want to play with the clothes. I remember styling outfits up with other outfits, sewing on new things, just designing away.
I even considered being a fashion designer at one time.

Anywho...
I said all that to introduce you to my newest toy. It combines the technology we live in, with the simplicity and fun of playing dress-up.

Polyvore!

Polyvore is a website that lets your creativity run wild. People get on to create various looks, offer clothing and style advise, or use it create style collages for their website and blogs.

Can't remember how I stumbled upon it, but I've been addicted to it. It's paper doll books all over again.

The great thing is it's free!

Helps me past the time, be creative, or get some ideas about a look I'm going for...like this one below.

...if I was going on a late night rendezvous, these are the various things that would be involved...

Check out Polyvore.com and get to styling!

Be blessed...

Truth is...

...I am FAT woman.

Nope...stop! As the old folks use to say, "...don't look at me with that tone of voice!".

I have no problems calling myself FAT.

I know there are other ways of sugar coating it...

pleasantly plump, voluptuous, robust, plus-sized, curvy...

...or my sisters favorite "Big Sexy"...

...but at the end of the day...I'm a FAT chick.

And I love it!!!

I didn't always feel this way.

I was the fat girl in school. Got teased a lot, A LOT!

I spent many of nights crying, wishing I was skinner, taller, slimmer, prettier.

I tried any way possible to not stand out or be seen, and it didn't help that I was EXTREMELY shy.

The ironic thing is...kids teased me, but adults thought I was adorable!

I remember one of my grandmother's closest friends telling me when I was about 9yrs old,

"You should be a model!"

Now of course, at the time, I gave her the side eye.

At that age you live and breath what your peers say about you, so I didn't think for any moment that me and modeling could ever come to be.

And still to this day it hasn't, but the bigger picture of that statement is that regardless of my weight, she thought I was still a pretty girl.

9 year old Rani couldn't see that. She was toooooo obsessed with not wanting to be who she was.

There are times now as an adult that I wish I could go back in time and hug that young Rani.

She was hurting more than I think some folks even knew.

And while I'd hug her I'd say,...

"This is temporary.

One day, you're going to look in the mirror and love EVERYTHING about you!"

I can't remember when the change happened.

Maybe it was when we all hit that age of attraction to sex and the human body.

Maybe it was when guys noticed that those big lumps on my chest were breast.

Maybe it was when my big legs were no longer big body parts, but thick thighs.

Maybe it was when I forced myself to stand in the mirror, butt bald naked, and accept that this was my body, head to toe.

Every blemish, every roll, every curve, every nook and cranny...it's me!

Do I still have days where I wish I was smaller than I am now?

Uh...yea! I'm still human, it's just natural for us to want to change something about us.

But now it's not to be the skinny girl or to not be picked on.

It's because I want to live a healthier life.

One of the last things my mother and I discussed before she passed was living healthier to live longer and do all the things we wanted to do with no inhibitions.

I don't think that conversation was ironic or a mistake.

She wanted for me to live a prosperous, healthy, happy life.

She had the opportunity to finally see me come into my own, accepting all that I am, and she wanted to make sure that I keep that spirit alive in me.

Her words were not in vain.

Today, I'm still a FAT woman, but I love me!

I regularly stand in the mirror, butt bald naked, and admire my FAT self!

I live a healthy life. I go to the gym, I go walking, I stay active.

I eat healthier.

I'm wiser about what I take into my body, even down to the products I use on my skin.

Does 9 year old Rani creep out every now and then?

Yes, usually when I see clothes I want that aren't in my size, but I hush her up real quick.

She sees how I smile when I look in the mirror and smiles right back at me.

***To the other FAT/BIG/CURVY women & girls out there...I encourage you to do just that.

Stand in front the mirror, fully naked, and take in your body.

Accept it. It's not easy. Sometimes you will cry.

But learn to love it. And then when you're done check out...

"Young, Fat & Fabulous", "Madison Plus" and "Curves & Chaos" for some BIG girl inspiration.

Oh and while your looking at yourself, throw on this song (click the word)...***

Be blessed...

Dear Future Husband...

...I am a reflection of you.

"Snuggle" by Willie Torbert/Image taken from avisca.com

Have you ever been out 'people watching' or being nosey...whichever you prefer... and observed two people together, whether married or dating.

What did you notice?
Well sometimes the first thing you notice is appearance...

...is he dressed to perfection, but she's looks like she just clocked out from her coal mining gig...
...is she dressed like she's 'single and ready to mingle', but he's the 'lover that's covered"...

Now, honey, please know, by no means do I want to be one of those couples that match from head to toe. You've seen them...hell, I'm related to some! Just stay with me and read on...

Okay, so you checked their appearance. What about their body language?

...is she reaching for his hand, but he's ignoring her/walking the other way/eyeing another girl...
...is he trying to get her attention, but she's too busy texting/shopping/eyeing another guy...

Or have you ever seen two people together and thought,

"No way are they together! They look like Night vs Day!"

Still with me? Okay, what do all these things have in common?

Basically, from an outsiders perspective, something is off/wrong/incompatible with these couples.
When you see them, you think they're wrong for each other, they couldn't possibly be happy together, or that one of them is taking advantage of the other.

Me and you...we can't be them.

It's important to know early on that I am a reflection of you and you are a reflection of me.

When people see us...separately or united...they should know, we are together.
Now, that doesn't mean we have to be mashed under each other every moment of the day, glued to the hip, or walk around with signs saying "Mr & Mrs Such and Such!", let's not go that far. People need their space.

But just know that in everything I do, I represent who you are as a Man.

When I get up each morning...am I dressed like I'm your woman/wife/ partner...or anothers?
The goals I have in life...are they to make me a better woman for me/and us...or for me and mine?
Are we spiritually linked/walking by faith...or am I as Cee-lo says, "backsliding down a bottle of beer"?

Now flip it...how are you representing me as your Woman/Wife?

Those things matter in the success of a marriage and hopefully by the time you are my husband, we understand and are implementing them. But know, I am not stupid/ naive/ or caught up in fairy land...these things take work, time, and prayer. Nothings perfect. And I could care less about what others think, that won't jeopardize our relationship; however,...

...the quickest way to destroy a unit is by finding its weak link! Think about it.

My future husband, the man of my life, it's so much we will learn and face together, but going in with a plan, saves us from the unnecessary bumps in the journey ahead.

Can't wait to ride on that journey with you...

With Love,


Your wife & reflection

Locks Are Beautiful